PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
