I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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