Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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