it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
