RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
