The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
