im about as happy as oj after his trial
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
