I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
