Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
