No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
