oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
