Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Be still, my beating vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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