If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
