So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Bring me that man meat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
