It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
