i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
