I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
