Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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