I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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