So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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