worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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