I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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