I accidentally had phone sex last night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
