i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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