my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
