I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
