i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
