haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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