We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
