I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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