Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
