my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
They have beer where we have blood.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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