the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
