Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
