how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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