I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
