I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
