I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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