The maid of honor just puked.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize