when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
