just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
