two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
