the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
