ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
