My first STD was from a foam party
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
