a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
