he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
