apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
