im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
