i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
