I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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