haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my sisters under your porch take her home
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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