Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
