i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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