Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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