This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I would ride that face into the sunset
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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