How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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