She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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