peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize