I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can I color on your dick again?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
