mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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