I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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