I'm really into asian looking animals
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize