3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
