Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
