I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
