Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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