'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
