The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
