k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
