He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
