I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
