Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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