how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
