1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
