I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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