Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
