If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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