What did we do last night that was yellow?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
