Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
