ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
