Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
