Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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