Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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