shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
