I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Bring me that man meat
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
