I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Randomize
