i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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